A few of my favorite things.
There’s far more out there that is precious, and valuable than I alone can offer you. It always helped me to hear things framed in different ways by different teachers. I hope to build a list of resources and readings that I feel are stand-outs. Please let me know if you have suggestions for me.
If you live in NYC and are a member of the NY Public Library, (same thing for the Westchester Library System) you can borrow many of these books; hard copy, ebook and audiobook. If you haven’t already taken advantage of this, there’s an APP you can use. Some titles are rather popular and have a bit of a wait list. Practice patience with your ‘Holds.’ They’ll let you know when your book is ready.
Below I have listed some of my favorite teachers with ‘links’ to something they’ve done or something about them, and a recommended book or two. Many of them have written copiously – I have not listed all their works.
The first section below might seem to have a lot of topics lumped together. These issues tend to overlap. Each teacher below might emphasize one interest over another as a point of research interest, etc., but they often reference one another!
MINDFULNESS – COMPASSION – SHAME – BUDDHIST TEACHINGS:
Pema Chödrön: (Buddhist nun, teacher)
https://pemachodronfoundation.org/
ANYTHING by her. My first book was “Start where you are – A Guide to Compassionate Living” some of her many other writings include: The Wisdom of No Escape, Comfortable With Uncertainty, The Places That Scare You.
If you have never had the pleasure of hearing her give a talk, I’d recommend that you find a short video and watch that before you read her writings. You’ll get a sense of her humor and pacing. There are some talks on her website. Also, if you are new to it, try not to get worried about or stuck on some of the foreign language terminology.
Pema’s work may or may not resonate with you. As the saying goes: “You do you.” It’s important that you find a teacher or teachers whose work does touch you. I spent so many hours reading or listening to Pema’s words, especially when I was distressed and needed help, that in my heart I would consider her my ‘Root Guru.’
Tara Brach, PhD
https://www.tarabrach.com/talks-for-beginners/
Radical Acceptance
Brené Brown, PhD (Researches shame)
https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability (2010) TED
https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_listening_to_shame (2012) TED
I thought it Was Just Me (but it isn’t)
Brené researches ‘shame’ something we all experience, probably daily, in our lives. One of her TED talks touched a particular spot in me. It was just enough of a nudge to get me past my lifelong grasping at (and failing) perfection. I’ve read a few of her books, but, and I hope I’m recalling correctly, I think this was my favorite.
Jon Kabat-Zin, MD: (Psychiatrist who created ‘Mindfulness Based Cognitive Therapy’ – MBCT)
https://www.mindfulnesscds.com/pages/bill-moyers-special – Bill Moyers Special Interview
Mindfulness for Beginners, Full Catastrophe Living, Mindful Way through Depression
Kristin Neff, PhD: (Researches Compassion)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IvtZBUSplr4 TEDx 2013
Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself
SEXUAL ISSUES:
Emily Nagoski, PhD: (Researcher and therapist)
https://www.ted.com/talks/emily_nagoski_the_keys_to_a_happier_healthier_sex_life (2016) TED
https://www.ted.com/talks/emily_nagoski_the_truth_about_unwanted_arousal (2018) TED
Come As You Are
This is for women, and their sexual partners. Many or perhaps most women struggle with some aspect of their sexuality. Emily brings a very gentle, clear, informative approach that will let you know that you are ‘normal’ and ‘OK’ just as you are. She can help you to find greater ease accepting your body and in finding pleasure with your body.
COUPLE’S ISSUES:
John Grey, PhD
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FXmgsmu3V4U&t=41s (2010) TEDx
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xuM7ZS7nodk (2014) TEDx
The “Men are from Mars Women are from Venus” series.
I recommend you find a more recent title, not one of his older ones. In these he includes points on differences in brain anatomy and physiology.
JG is a bit of an outlier from the authors listed above, but his work is still something I recommend.
Miss-understandings leading to suffering. Sometimes simply learning that your partner’s behavior, (You know, the one that you’re taking ‘personally’ and getting so riled up about,) is common and par for the course, may be all that you need to shift your perspective. – Of note, my liberated, female self initially fought the concept of such cliché gender differences. But having both personally experienced the issues in my own life and frequently, encountered them as a therapist with my patients, I found his take on the common relationship struggles to be valid and helpful.
PHYSIOLOGY – NEUROANATOMY – STRESS:
Robert Sapolsky, PhD (Researcher and voted a favorite teacher at Stanford).
https://www.ted.com/talks/robert_sapolsky_the_uniqueness_of_humans (2009) TED
https://www.ted.com/talks/robert_sapolsky_the_biology_of_our_best_and_worst_selves (2017) TED
Why Zebras Don’t Get Ulcers
Did you ever wonder how thoughts got translated into bodily harm? If so, here’s the book for you. This is a dense book on human physiology but clearly explained for the average person.
ADDICTION AND RECOVERY:
Russel Brand
https://www.russellbrand.com/recovery/
Recovery: Freedom from Our Addictions
Please note, perhaps his work should come with an R rating for coarse language. And his humor might not be for everyone. In spite of this I feel he still has a lot to offer. – Also, he is a comedian, so, the audio-book version is notable.
Refuge recovery
Noah Levine* Refuge Recovery (This is a very worthwhile book!)
Refuge Recovery is a 12-Step-like, AA-ish, recovery program based upon Buddhist principles with no mention of G-d or a Higher Power (which can be triggering to some people, but always available to those who embrace a Higher Power.) Please be aware that the founder, *Noah Levine, is ‘human’ and has had some public ‘issues’ that he may/may not have dealt with well or fully. He is not the program. He has stepped away and the chapters have moved along without him.